Hillary Clinton gave a shriekingly rousing speech on the campaign trail yesterday announcing a bold legislative plan to provide Universal Hotel Care to every travelling American. The AHCB or the Affordable Hotel Care Bill would guarantee every American an affordable hotel room or suite in any city in the United States, with no co-pay.
“Our spy in the Sanders campaign told us that Bernie was flirting with the same idea so we pre-empted it,” said Huma Abedin, the Good Wife of famed penis portraiturist, Anthony Weiner. “All’s fair in love and politics,” she continued. “We got there first, and Bernie can suck wind.”
In her speech, Hillary screamed out the question “Why should any citizen of this great country have to stay with friends or family because they can’t afford a decent hotel room? Why should a hard-working American have to crash in someone’s living room, or pump up an airbed in an acquaintance’s basement because a hotel room would crash his budget?”
Patterned after the deliriously successful Affordable Care Act, Americans would sign up for Hotel Care Insurance, even if they never travel. If they do travel without being insured, hotel rooms will cost them three times the going rate. Pre-existing travel conditions will be covered with proof of planned family gatherings of any kind.
The Clinton staff coordinated her speech with commercials showing stories of horrific American travel experiences, like families having to wait in line to use their host’s bathrooms and insufficient towels. Another traveler tearfully said she had to make her own bed before breakfast. Others told of guest rooms without a television, or a television that wasn’t cable ready. We then see true but “simulated” scenes of house guests forced to get out of bed to change channels because there were no remotes.
In an effort to attract more voters and stem Hillary’s drop in the polls, the Clinton Campaign has launched the Authenticity Project, events and photo-ops that Hillary could shamelessly exploit to come across as genuine and not the lying, treacherous, two-legged, pants-suited creature that she is. That’s when Bill surprised everyone, stood up and valiantly volunteered to die. “Nothing unites people more than a death in someone’s family,” he said. “Besides, she gave up her life so I could become president and now it’s time I did the same for her.”
Hillary spokesperson and spin shill, Huma Abedin, wife of noted penis portraiturist, Anthony Weiner, said “the impact of Bill’s death will ripple a wave of sympathy across the electorate and evoke powerful, human voter reactions like “Poor thing,” “How horrible,” “I’m so sorry for her” and other sympathetic platitudes everyone can identify with, even the racist, sexist pigs of the Republican Party. After all,” continued Abedin, “they’ve lost husbands, fathers and sons just like us decent, forward joking progressives. And good riddance!” After much discussion Hillary and her staff agreed that Bill’s death was more exploitable than a Chelsea miscarriage – the Grandma Factor and all, but the grandma demographic isn’t large enough to tilt the vote. But the possibility is still on the table.
The discussion then turned to “when?” Extravagantly paid psychological consultants were hired by the Clinton Foundation, through a shell company chartered by a Dubai charity for The Very Sick Children’s International Trust, funded by The American Grout Initiative, a subsidiary of Dave’s Laundromat Money Collective on loan from Skip Trace, Inc., which found discretionary funds in the trunk an anonymous super pac’s car. Their computer models have shown that any wave of morbid good will has a very short shelf life. Bill needs to kick the bucket no earlier that forty-eight hours before election day, the optimum window of electoral vulnerability. That’s when Hillary Haters will let down their political guard, go with their hearts and trigger the so-called “Poor Thing” vote before they come to their senses and go home to cry.
Some years ago Michael Savage wrote a book called “Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder.” While I despise the liberal (I guess they’re now the Progressive) mindset, I wasn’t prepared to go as far as Savage.
Well, times have changed, but the Liberal/Progressives have not. They’ve grown like kudzu and have emerged in the mainstream media, academia, environmentalia, stupid studentia and, of course, with the Democrat politicians who cravenly encourage and exploit their mistaken, uninformed, stubborn zealotry.
At their core, progressives are natural-born totalitarians. Since I believe people naturally prefer freedom and liberty, I find it hard to accept that they would freely choose a ruling system that severely curtails, cripples and removes liberty from their lives. It’s like saying a person freely chooses to be black or gay or ugly or fat, qualities that in today’s society still bring much grief to those who possess them.
Hardly anyone would choose any of those characteristics for themselves. That’s how they were born. Much of it is troubling, burdensome and often unjust. But, those were the DNA cards they were dealt.
I believe that people are born to want liberty and freedom and would not choose to be totalitarian, or to willingly accept totalitarian rule. But they do. They are The Progressives. This societal species mindlessly and eagerly accepts government intrusions in their lives, government regulations, increased government confiscation of wealth and property, petty politically correct stipulations, irrational fear of opposing ideas, a willingness to ban the speeches of opponents (a clear 1st Amendment violation) — all that and they ask for more of the same.
After a few years of disparaging liberals, especially the ones who’ve morphed into leftist progressives (or whatever they’re calling themselves) I started to realize that I’m really in sync with them much more than I realized.
They are the watchdogs against all that is wrong with America.
The latest example is Stevenson College in California. Students and some faculty created a Star Wars sci-fi binge-watching event for fans of this genre. The question about what food to serve came up and someone (a definite racist) suggested Mexican food. This insidious attack on Hispanics would have gone unnoticed in America’s racist culture were it not for some alert, ever watchful liberals, who unearthed the truth behind this racist food choice.
This is the reasoning that revealed the truth: Sci-fi deals with aliens, aliens mean illegal aliens, illegal aliens mean illegal immigrants which means that Mexican food is a racist attack on Hispanics.
Thank God someone discovered this racist insult. Action was swift by the liberal administration. The event was cancelled and the heroic Dr. Carolyn Golz, a college administrative officer, issued a three paragraph apology (as if three paragraphs is enough, but that’s for another time.) Ms. Golz wrote “As a result of this incident, I will require cultural competence training for Programs staff, in addition to implementing mechanisms for future program planning that will ensure college programs are culturally sensitive and inclusive.”
Hurrah and kudos to Dr. Golz for her courageous response and to the alert liberal students who called this abusive event to her attention. The name of the student who suggested Mexican Food is being severely disciplined and his identity hasn’t been revealed to prevent attacks (justified, we think) on his person by the powerful tweeting, army of liberal social media.
Fluffy the Easter Bunny
We are coming to the end of another Easter season and the politically correct, leftist, Godless crowd known as progressive leftists (or something) are out in full force. And it’s not Islamists who’re making a fuss in Dearborn, Michigan.
So much tradition has been associated with Easter, the holiday that defines the Catholic Church. We have Easter bonnets, Easter Seals, Easter Sunday, Easter baskets & cards, the great MGM film The Easter Parade — movie and song (written by a Jew, the great American, Irving Berlin.) He gets it and he wasn’t even born here.
A few years ago, a victim of the predatory, secular left was the Easter bunny. See, these people have nothing in their lives except to stick their whiny buckets into their reservoir of complaint and come up with something else to piss people off. Since 2007, they’ve been trying to replace the Easter Bunny with the Spring bunny because the Easter Bunny might offend some people. Easter eggs have been redesigned as “spring spheres.” You can find dead Easter bunnies in Walnut Creek, Ca., St. Paul, Minn and the Shops in Plano, Texas, where the Easter holiday is now the Spring holiday. More Easter bunny deaths are expected.
These holiday name changes are getting harder to keep track of than all the places renamed after Martin Luther King.
It will take awhile before people start calling this furry little rodent the Spring Bunny when Easter time rolls around. First, the President will have to change the name of it’s traditional White House egg hunt on their lawn to the Spring Egg Hunt or the Holiday Egg Hunt. The former name is preferable so as not to confuse this holiday with the holiday we hold in December.
A LITTLE PROLOGUE
To those willing to look and examine the reality of today’s politics and events I think one can’t escape the observation that the left – Democrat, Liberal, Progressive - (or whatever they’re calling themselves these days) is structurally and fundamentally totalitarian. They want to control and censor those who disagree with them. They decide, from their smug, elite, often well-to-do status, what is not worthy of seeing or saying. I choose to illustrate things that are NOT worthy because The Left only names s worthy only what they approve of. To everything else they bring their inherent negativity, anger, amorality, denial and deceit. Or they blame it on Republicans, past and present. They’re good at finding a way to do this.
As a current example of the totalitarian mind set, I direct you to a story in The Daily Caller about a pro-Hillary group HRC Super Volunteers who tweeted this message of warning to New York Times’ reporter Amy Chozick: ”We will be watching, reading, listening and protesting coded sexism.” As examples of “coded sexism” they’ve listed twelve words and phrases you shouldn’t use when talking or writing about Hillary: polarizing, calculating, ambitious, disingenuous, insincere, over confident, represents the past, out of touch, entitled, will do anything to win, inevitable and secretive.
Is this group sanctioned by Hillary? Doubt it!
Does she even know about them? Probably — they’ve been active for her since 2008
Does Hillary approve of this kind of message? Don’t know.
The point is that this is the mind-set of the loony left. They come up with these kinds of mind boggling ideas and inflict them upon us like a virulent plague. And try to force others to fall into line.
The atheistic rallying cry appears most strongly at a time of religious celebrations like Easter and Christmas. That’s when they come out of the woodwork. This is a season when you can see them hawking their wares on TV, on YouTube and read what they have to say on editorial page columns, on blogs and among the punditry.
I’ll come clean — the atheist mindset twists my shorts. It isn’t their belief itself, but the unspoken superiority of that belief, which contains strong currents of ridicule towards those who believe in God and believe that there is more to our earthly surroundings than our earthly surroundings. It’s usually called faith.
Atheism wants to destroy that faith, which is living aspect of our cultural tradition. Fully entitled to their belief, atheists hope to worm their particular point of view into the national psyche. It’s a tough task, pissing into the wind as it were, but they keep trying and are certainly making some inroads. Many of their objections have been localized across the nation, but last year a digital neon sign that reads ‘Take the Christ Out Of Christmas’ with a cross-out line through Christ decorates Times Square. The media, always on the lookout for raw story meat, gave the sign national attention. We’re left to understand that while the religiously inclined are celebrating Christmas, atheists are celebrating “Mas.” Okay, go with God.
To steal from a Seinfeld episode — Atheism! What is it good for?
Atheists mock the stupidity and frailty of those who place their faith in what is a scientific unknown. They suggest that believers delude themselves by paying homage to an unknown Creator. How pathetic, they smugly imply (or say). How unrealistic to have faith in what can never be proven through science of some kind.
We’re in the holiday season and the perennial disagreements about religion, atheism and Christmas flood the airwaves. Advocates of all persuasions are invited onto talk shows to promote their beliefs or are challenged about them.
Full disclosure! I’m a traditionalist. Tradition nourishes a culture and helps shape a national psyche that gives its people a sense of who they are and how they got there. This is true of all cultures, races and nations. It is part of the collective DNA. Some of those groups honor tradition more, some less, but it is always there and should be celebrated as part of the glue that holds a group together. It should not be denied or eliminated, rather celebrated.
Christmas is a tradition. We revel in it and our families gather to celebrate it. Many movies and songs and stories have been inspired by it. Many of us partake in its religiosity. Many just like the jingle bells and gifts. But at its foundation is the birth of a man named Jesus Christ, who has been the driving force of this celebration for centuries. Even though the “jingle-bellers” emphasize more the secular trappings of the day, I bet they’re still aware of the day’s religious significance – the birth of Christ.
Some literalists argue that Christ was really born in April, or that we really don’t know what day He was born. So what!? Historically, He WAS born. Our questionable knowledge about the exact date of His birth doesn’t diminish its importance. He WAS born. The wholesale and deliberate changing of “Merry Christmas” to “Happy Holidays” destroys a part of our cultural and national identity and is an insult to those who believe in the Lord.
Johnny Manziel Suicide Story
Despondent after his dismal debut against the Bengals, Cleveland’s much heralded quarterback, Johnny Manziel, couldn’t shake his depression and wrote a suicide note. When finished, he left his home and went to Cleveland’s Euclid Avenue and stood in a bus kiosk with several extremely disappointed Clevelanders.
As a bus approached, Manziel took a deep breath, and threw himself in front it …. but missed. He landed on the far side of the bus as it passed.. His tremendous athletic ability got him out of trouble. Again! Of course, Manziel , didn’t consider it trouble, just a temporary setback.
Still determined to end it all, he walked down the busy street and took a cyanide pill out of his pocket. Ever the showman, Manziel chose not to just swallow it. Instead, he tossed it up, opened his mouth and waited for the pill to drop into it. However, a passer-by, Marvin Lester, intercepted the pill before it reached his open lips. “Hey, Johnny,” said Marvin, who later explained that he was just passing by, “fast hands, huh?” Lester claimed he saw the opportunity and took it, asking Manziel to get him a tryout as a Browns cornerback.
Manziel continued and contemplated alternatives. He walked along South Roadway and came upon the the Sailors and Soldiers Monument. Pretty tall. It should do the trick. He ran toward it with the intention of climbing it and then throwing himself, head first, into the concrete below. Even if he got a concussion, so what!? As he ran to the statue, a troop of Boy Scouts on a park tour were so excited to see Johnny Football, they swarmed him and in the hubbub, he was thrown to the ground. A sack! He graciously signed autographs all for them and wrote on each one, “This will be a collector’s item by the end of the day. You wait and see.”
From a piece published in PLAYBILL magazine.
PlayBill – Casey Stengel
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