A number of universities are holding separate graduation ceremonies for blacks, Hispanics, gays, Phillipinos, Asians and other minority groups. I thought the whole idea of diversity was to unite and combine our differences, not divide them. Leave it to today’s crop of leftist dunderheads to encourage the very evil their parents and grandparents fought so hard to eliminate in the 50’s and 60’s.

School desegregation was a triumph of the civil rights movement. Whether disrupting the lives of students by bussing and forced segregation from schools most kids felt familiar with was the proper way to do it is another question. Whether it helped students learn better is another question still. But the point was clear and valid — segregation was wrong, anti-American and violated all sense of justice and fair play.

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As if seeing The DaVinci Code wasn’t punishment enough, this morning I received an official mortal sin notification from the Vatican condemming me for all eternity, after which it burned up in my hand. How very Mission Impossible, I thought, or maybe it was Satan. Both possibilities left me shaken so I figured I’d just hit the confessional before work, tell the padre, get absolution, say my Hail Mary’s and be on my way. But Father L. wouldn’t absolve me unless I said I was sorry I’d seen the film. Well … okay! I really wasn’t sorry except that I spent nine bucks on a real turkey, but I said it anyway.

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My son Mario, age 17, asked an important question the other day: How old should an adopted highway be before it’s told that it’s adopted? Highway engineering philosophers are constantly debating this issue, but have come to no conclusion.

Highway parents concerned about the well being of their patch of road are anxious about the correct way to handle this problem. Many are afraid that if their little highway learns it’s adopted at too early an age, it will fall apart, develop potholes and see its asphalt chipped away tar bit by tar bit. Others think that it’s better to tell the highway as soon as it’s old enough to understand that it’s part of the road community, perhaps after four or five years in service. By then it will have made junctions with other highways, who can be role models and mentors if they’re having trouble coping with the news of their adoption.

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I got to thinking about those cute couple names gossip trollers invent to identify the musical chairs of celebrity romances. It seems to have started with Billary, although the obvious Billinsky never materialized despite the publicity. Currently we have TomKat for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and Bradifer, which morphed into Branjolena. Benifer is also going strong because Ben Affleck just switched Jennifers, but probably kept the towels.

Conflating the names of famous couples is perfect for our fast moving, multi-tasking sound byte age. The idea wouldn’t have surfaced in less frenetic times. If it had, Samson and Delilah, for example, would have combined nicely into Samilah, a cozily yiddishishe sound one could easily imagine hearing across Hebrew dinner tables. “Give a listen what happened by Samilah. She cut off his hair. Oy.”

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All art is, of course, subjective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that.

But sometimes a piece of work is done so well that subjectivity is irrelevant and the piece is just damned good, period. In this case, it’s the film United 93, the story about the fourth hijacked 9/11 plane that the passengers brought down before it could reach its target, which some believe was the Capitol itself.

Furious is too lame a word to describe my reaction to the monstrous events of that day and I approached the film cautiously. Would it plunge me into a sadness for all those unnecessary deaths or fill me with a jingoistic hatred for any enemy of my beloved country?

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A British study has concluded that a woman can tell from a man’s face whether he’ll be a good parent to her children, making him husband material. The problem is that the woman can also tell from his face that he’s somebody she doesn’t want to f**k.

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So now being a soldier is a negative. The appointment of General Michael V. Hayden to head the CIA has been greeted with criticism not because he’s incapable or dishonorable but because he’s in the military.

What the *%#% is that all about? During my lifetime soldiers were held in high esteem. Generals MacArthur, Eisenhower, Patton, Admiral Halsey, Sergeant York, Audie Murphy and Jimmy Doolittle, to name a paltry few of our gallant, recent warriors, contributed profoundly to our country’s survival and we celebrated their service.

All the pompadour pundits and cutie Courics in the media led with this “military” objection to Hayden’s appointment. It was a mantra — (droning) he’s in the military … he’s a military man … the military ….. (and on they drone). Since when has long and devoted service to your country been a detriment?

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It’s okay. Better than MI2, not as good as MI1, which wasn’t that great to begin with. What’s discouraging is the action standard by which this and other such films are being judged. Non-stop, special effects and great stunts are the measures, while story and plot are rarely considered. Perhaps it’s because plot and story require that the viewer use his brain to figure out what’s going on. Since the media is doing such a good job formulaizing our expectations, we don’t need to think about story anymore. The simpler the better.

The Real MI Team

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This one courtesy of the Democrats.

By a vote of 55-7, the California Assembly approved a bill prohibiting the private sale of sonograms to individuals about to have a baby. Democrat assemblyman, Ted Lieu, who introduced the bill, became concerned that fans of Tom Cruise would run out and buy these machines because he had purchased one himself in order to monitor the in utero activities of his baby by Katie Holmes.

The medical profession urges people not to follow Tom’s lead because repeated sonograms can be harmful to a foetus’ health. Lieu introduced the bill so that no foetus will be harmed. “We want to protect the foetus in every way possible,” said Lieu.

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Courtesy of the Democrats

California Bill SB1437 is making its way through the California legislature and if it becomes state law, all references to mom, dad, mother and father are to be removed from all school textbooks insofar as they suggest that a mother and father are the parental norm. Life is about to imitate schtick as my ex-writing partner, Norman Stiles, once brilliantly said because there are few choices to replace those words other than the Conehead’s famous sketch comedy expression “Parental Unit.”

Mom and dad represent gender differences and sexual orientation which the bill is determined to eliminate. Presumably, staples of high school life like prom king and queen would be eliminated and replaced by …. what? Prom bipeds, Regal anthropoidal mortals, ruling sapiens come to mind. Words like personage or human would not be used because of their gender specific syllables, son and man.

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