The Washington State Interscholastic Activities Association, the organization that oversees high school sports that has condemned booing at high school sports events is also preparing a policy that would exclude teams from scoring points.

“It makes the other team feel bad,” said Mauro Canese, Kendrich High basketball coach. “The opposing team throws up a three-pointer and my boys get the wind knocked out of their sails. Where’s the fun in that?”

The thinking behind the no-scoring policy is that if no points are scored, fans of both teams can go home happy. The athletes still get a workout and because every one of them are technically winners, all of them will get laid after the game.

Association officials acknowledge that it will be difficult to define no-scoring protocols for basketball. One protocol suggests that a team bring the ball down the court. When it finds the open man, whether in the paint, at the hoop or sleeping beyond the three point line he passes it to him. Once the open man has the ball he shouts – “Open!” and passes the ball to the other team, which will then drive the ball to their opponent’s net. This exciting routine will continue until the game’s end or three/quarters of the crowd walks out.

Another option allows the open man to throw the ball up into the air, simulating a scoring attempt. Whoever gets the falling ball is credited with a rebound. If a player steals the ball from his opponent, he says, “Sorry,” and returns it.

No records will be kept of rebounds, opens and sorries. Fouls, when and if they occur, will be accompanied by an “Excuse me,” or “Whoops, my bad,” along with the foulee’s comments like, “Hey, motherfucker,” “Get off my fucking foot” or “I’ll see you outside later, asshole.” “Excuse me’s” will also not be counted. However, Security will be notified of every “See you outside, asshole’s.”

Washington State lawmakers are encouraging these developments as part of their “No Child Left Distressed” policy that has eliminated such activities as dodgeball and tag from elementary schools across the state. The goal is to concentrate on sending students home happy rather than finding better ways to send them home educated.