In January, Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to Congress, found himself under attack when he announced he’d take his oath of office, January 4th, on the Koran. While a Muslims in Congress can be good for the country , their refusal to swear on the Bible offends what is essentially a Judeo-Christian culture.

Now a North Carolina court hearing will determine whether or not the Bible is the only holy book to be used when swearing to tell or not tell the truth.

North Carolina state law allows witnesses preparing to testify in court to take their oath in three ways: by laying a hand over “the Holy Scriptures,” by saying “so help me God” without the use of a religious book, or by an affirmation using no religious symbols. In a suit brought by — who else — the ACLU, the complaint is that Christians have three choices when swearing themselves to the truth, but Muslims only have two choices. Awwwwwww.

A Muslim’s point is simple: Why should we have to swear allegiance on a book we do not believe in when we have a book that is superior and which promotes the destruction of everyone who doesn’t believe as we do?

While the is trying to shove down our throats tolerance for those who would destroy the country, I suggest that we officially eschew the Bible and the Koran and demand that everyone swear upon the one, truly universal book — the DMV manual.

Whether swearing allegiance to the country or to simply to tell the truth, the DMV manual is the perfect document. It crosses religious and party lines and makes no judgements on our beliefs. The DMV doesn’t care that you secretly applaud the action of Islamic terrorists as long as you don’t impede the free flow of traffic; likewise, Christian extremists can preach whatever they want, but not at rush hour.

Surely all religions and political idealogues can agree that stopping at a red light is a good and moral thing to do; surely all religions can agree that maintaning a distance of three hundred feet from a vehicle at sixty-five miles per hour transcends all personal beliefs.

Every religion can acknowledge that yielding the right of way signifies a belief in a higher power, like a truck zooming by at seventy MPH while you’re waiting to enter the freeway. Is not Allah like that truck? Is not Jesus as powerful? Of course.

Even Buddhists can understand the need for a vision test and proper driving posture. Much of their religion is based upon seeing things no one else can; and maintaining stillness in contemplation is a good thing, provided you come out of your meditative zone in time to stop before hitting the car in front of you.

What religion could object to not driving while impaired, whether your mind be clouded by alcohol, drugs or visions of virgins in paradise?

The DMV manual is a universal document of oneness. It can be found in every state, and indeed, in every civilized country except France. The manual crosses all lines and all vehicles, from mopeds to trucks to farm equipment. Even the lowly bicycle must follow the holy DMV.

Many object to these small concessions to Muslim demands, but they should have no fear. We have plenty of time before they take over.