The story, being referred to as “The Bethesda Incident,” is just now emerging, several weeks after the fact. It is a chilling reminder of the high stakes game that is global warming, where ideologues rule.
The facts are these. Anticipating President Obama’s intention to go green in his desire to destroy the economy, sixteen SUV’s saw the handwriting on the wall and celebrated Earth day by committing suicide in Bethesda, Maryland yesterday.
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With the swearing in of Obama as President and an overwhelmingly Democrat Congress, we can look forward to an accelerated dash to green living. As the great comedian Jimmy Durante famously said, “Everybody wants to get into the act.”
Companies that make everything from diapers to cars won’t be able to crank out Green stuff fast enough, giving consumers yet another thing to consider besides price, ingredients, reliability, durability and do-we-have-a-coupon-for-it. Now, more than ever, consumers will be asked to decide between a product that can save the planet or one that will do it harm and possibly tilt it off its axis.
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Mr. Blackwell, who yearly created a worst-dressed list of celebrity women and sometimes men, has died from complications of an intestinal infection at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.
Blackwell’s acerbic criticisms of celebrity fashion spared no one. Madonna was “The Bare-Bottomed Bore of Babylon,” Meryl Streep “Looked like a gypsy abandoned by a caravan” and Patti Davis packed “all the glamour of an old, worn-out sneaker.”
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Spokespeople from several environmental organizations have condemned the Bret Favre trade to the New York Jets as being ecologically callous and a slap in the face to anyone who cares about the planet.
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Observers of recent food riots have wondering who’ll be the environmental Marie Antoinette when the hyper-emotional, carbon footprint panic bites the asses of the global warmer community and a hungry public stands there with bloated bellies, scratching their mosquito-enclircled heads and wondering, “What the f**k?”
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In Wellington, New Zealand, a deranged, runaway SUV, unhappy with life, distraught and humiliated by criticism of its appetite and size, and unable to afford therapy because of the high price of gasoline, went berserk and crashed itself into a man’s most hallowed space — his toilet.
While he was on it!
In a sacrificial gesture to save the planet, Marilou Rotinsky of Berkeley, California, a luggage psychic, underwent surgery last week to have her anus and vagina sewn shut so that her natural bodily waste products wouldn’t contaminate the earth. “I am supporting the environmental movement by eliminating my own movements,” Ms. Rotinsky said ironically, managing a small smile though in considerable pain from the digested food accumulating inside her one hundred twenty pound body.
A recent editorial in our local newspaper, the Durham Herald-Sun, titled Rocking For the Earth, has pushed me to the tipping point, which is the fancy way of saying “I’m fed up,” fed up with editorials, politicians, government, pundits, the U.N. and assorted global warmists haranguing me to change my carbon emitting ways.
Get off my back, please.
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Environmentalist alarms were supported by a scientific paper released by renowned Professor Isador Gogol of the Icelandic Oceanographic and Net Fishing Institute. The newly published scientific document concludes that the mean body temperature of the earth’s gerbils is rising at an alarming rate, all because of the planet’s greenhouse effect. Gogol’s greenhouse global gerbil warming warning paper, which was released to coincide with this year’s Earth Day misery meetings, April 22nd, predicts dire consequences for the future of the planet as a result. Something must be done, perhaps an offset program of some kind.
Concerned parents and doctors are experimenting with a new program to help at risk eaters reduce rising weight levels – obesity offsets. “People are getting fatter,” said Doctor Weiland Wagner, a concerned scientist, parent and doctor who has scientifically noted an alarming rise in CL, corpulence levels, on Maury Povich and Jerry Springer.
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