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An official, unidentified friend of the cousin of a neighbor of the nephew of a deceased White House staffer has revealed that Karl Rove personally accelerated Tony Snow’s cancer because Elizabeth Edward’s cancer was getting too much sympathetic press attention for her and Democrats in general. Anyone who knows Karl Rove knows that he won’t let cancer beat him, even if its someone else’s.
I just read a strange item. It seems that the state of Minnesota has tried to prosecute the Catholic Church under federal RICO statutes, claiming a conspiracy of silence over mounting charges of sexual abuse by its clergy.
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KSM is on a roll. The Al Quaida terrorist, who recently confessed to thirty-one plots against the West, has told interrogators that he’s responsible for much more. 
“Ka-Ka,” as his friends call him, explained to reporters that he wants to give America its torture’s worth, he rattled off more examples of his terrorist handiwork. He claims to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s new baby. “She was killed by the Americans so she wouldn’t have a Muslim baby with a mustache,” he said.
Let’s hope those media diapers are bio-degradable. They’re accumulating, as are its contents.
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Media reports about the confession of Khalid Sheikh Mohammad, acknowledged planner of 9/11, took great pains to point out that he was in Guantanamo and subject to intense screening and interrogation, which the media claimed was actually waterboarding. Follow ups by their “experts” said that tortured people will admit to anything to stop the torture.
There you have it! The media planting doubt that this guy did anything at all. Another load in the news diaper of truth.
The Washington State Interscholastic Activities Association, the organization that oversees high school sports that has condemned booing at high school sports events is also preparing a policy that would exclude teams from scoring points.
“It makes the other team feel bad,” said Mauro Canese, Kendrich High basketball coach. “The opposing team throws up a three-pointer and my boys get the wind knocked out of their sails. Where’s the fun in that?”
Unnecessarily reliable sources have revealed that Senator John Edward’s recent comment about America’s selfishness was a result of a session in which Edwards channeled Jesus and simply repeated his sentiments. Suspicions arose when observers learned Jesus also told Edwards that the minimum wage should be raised and amnesty granted for all illegal Mexicans but not the “shitface” Central Americans.
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It was also reported that in the channeling session Jesus told Edwards that Texas, Arizona and parts of Southern California should be ceded back to Mexico and that the United States ensure that all families in poverty have access to a reasonably priced Pilates workout.
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The much ballyhooed Discovery Channel special Sunday night that claimed to be the tomb of the unrisen Jesus turned out to be a storage unit for Al Capone. Apparently, Geraldo was looking in the wrong place.
Hoping to debunk Christ’s resurrection, the foundational element of Christianity, Producer John Cameron was titanically disappointed when the ossuaries presumed to contain the bodies of Jesus, Mary Magdalene and other members of the Christ family were opened.
Concerned parents and doctors are experimenting with a new program to help at risk eaters reduce rising weight levels – obesity offsets. “People are getting fatter,” said Doctor Weiland Wagner, a concerned scientist, parent and doctor who has scientifically noted an alarming rise in CL, corpulence levels, on Maury Povich and Jerry Springer.
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In a blockbuster tape released by Al Jazeera, Al Quaida’s third in command, Bahir Murwaffaq Abdul-Jalil, has claimed responsibility for the death of Anna Nicole Smith. Abdul-Jalil denounced her as a modern day “whore of Babylon,” who deserved to die because she was a slave to western decadence and had enormous breasts. “It is not justice that this harlot has breasts enough for three women and my wife has the breasts of a boy and the beard of a man.
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Allah is good, Allah is kind, Allah is just, but Allah must have been asleep at her creation. Al Quaida has done God’s work in sending her to hell and Allah has decreed that I keep before me her naked picture as a reminder of her evil presence.”
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