Felons Unite. Get off your bunk, put down those yard weights, stop work on your new shank and join FFA, Felons For Amnesty and fight for the right to have your crimes forgiven and forgotten. This means every burglary, mugging, theft, hijack or drug sale you’ve ever been indicted for. Our goal is to give us a fresh start burgling, mugging, thieving, hijacking, dope dealing and the biggie, drunk driving and manslaughter. Unfortunately, people are currently a bit touchy about you rapists and pedophiles, but that’s what we have sanctuary cities for.

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I have to admit that when I learned that upcoming failed presidential candidate, Michael Bloomberg, who is also the nanny mayor of New York, is instituting a program to pay people to do what they’re supposed to do as productive people and citizens I just about hit the roof.

Nanny Bloomy wants to dole out payments for kids to attend class, take tests, do homework, stay drug free; for parents to attend PTA meetings, get birth control and educate themselves on how not to shoot them and their families in the foot by behaving stupidly.

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So much is being said across the country about this final episode of The Sopranos.

When it ended, when that screen suddenly turned to black, I was pulled off my seat, which I had been sitting on the edge of throughout. And then, when I saw the credits, I felt …. satisfied. It was almost palpable, this feeling of… what? … rightness.

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