Stay Here Free

Speaking from the steps of the Church Of the Divine Government, President Obama stood between Archangel Pelosi and Reid to introduce his ambitious plan for Universal Hotel Care. This single-payer hotel care bill would guarantee every American an affordable hotel room or suite in any city in the United States, with no co-pay. This is the latest piece of the puzzle of cradle to grave control over our lives. Who’s your daddy? The government.

The President’s teleprompter was eloquent in its presentation. “Why should any citizen of this great country have to stay with friends or family because they can’t afford a decent hotel room?” it made the President say. “Why should a hard-working American have to crash in someone’s living room or pump up an airbed in the basement of an acquaintance’s house because a hotel room would crash their budget?”

The prompter cited the horrific stories of families having to wait in line to use their host’s bathrooms and some even having to make their beds before breakfast. Others have told of being in guest rooms without a television, or a televison that wasn’t cable ready. And the complaints of missing remotes are heartbreaking as house guests had to get out of bed and change channels by hand.

Research has also revealed that the stress of having to be a good guest and submitting to the demands of a host is unbearable, especially if the host is a hard ass about keeping neat the house he probably can’t afford.

At the instruction of the prompter, the President displayed prompter by saying “Why shouldn’t all Americans enjoy unfettered maid and room service, free wake up calls and the freedom to pilfer those little shampoo bottles and towels? Congress gets that stuff for free all the time. Why shouldn’t you? It won’t be as good as they get, but if you want those privileges, you can always run for office. That’s what makes America great.”

“We are a transient, mobile people,” continued the prompter. “In these difficult times, many citizens need to go to other cities to find the jobs our current economic policies are now in the process of wiping out. Families are fractured as kids leave home to take up residence in states with lower taxes, an inequity we’re already working on to fix.”

“With families so scattered and homesteads foreclosed, relatives must travel long distances to new cities for Thanksgivings, Christmases – oops, Holidays, weddings, funerals and the ever present repo men. And when they get there, they are shocked to see the cost of a hotel room.

The prompter told the President to become became emotional when he told the story of Mindy Ferguson’s parents, who had traveled out of state for their daughter’s wedding.

“It should have been a joyous occasion,” said the President, stifling one sob. “But it wasn’t. Hotel costs were so high, Mindy’s parents couldn’t stay the full week and had to return home after the rehearsal dinner.”

As we travel the yellow brick road to Oz.

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