I took some time off from a script deadline to watch a repeat of a Law and Order I hadn’t seen — yes, there are some left — and it got me thinking about masculinity. So before I got back to work, I wanted to put those thoughts into some order.

The story was about the accidental death of a participant in an informally scheduled, lunch hour, fight club type event in a New York park, which later led to a revenge “rumble” between friends of the dead man and the “murderer’s” co-workers, which led to three more deaths and twelve injuries.

For the purposes of this piece, it doesn’t matter how the story was resolved. What the story suggested to me was yet another example of the need men seem to have to prove their masculinity through fighting, sports, trash talking and violence in general. From Fight Club to the incredible popularity of extreme fighting, cage matches and the exaggerated play-acting mayhem of televised wrestling, fighting is becoming the hot dog and apple pie of much of our culture.

I think that a man’s expression of his masculinity has fewer places to go in today’s culture. The idea of masculinity has been so devalued that men are struggling with ways to assert it, and the quickest, most accessible way are activities unique to men, activities fueled by their biology.

And why not? In the cultural arena over the past fifty years men have been demeaned for their masculinity, their macho mocked, the importance of their essence diminished.

In no particular order, we’ve seen the definition of men as rapists, the appearance of palimony suits, The New Man, sexual harassment laws, Title IX, anti-white European male sentiment, school curricula fashioned for girls, dick measuring jokes, female TV cops able to kick ass like men – yeah!, others quipping negatively about maleness (never the other way around), the arrival of gay culture on television, The View, females dominating news, Women’s Studies, Queer Studies, it’s alright to cry, the military discounted, jock mockery, men dramatized as predators, abusers and adulterers, as deadbeat dads and pedophiles, derided for owning guns, for being hunters, for being meat eaters, male police portrayed for their brutality and rarely cheered for their duty, sensitivity training, stay-at-home-daddyism and the gender differences attributed derisively over the years to a patriarchal culture and not biology.

Women have a nature, too.

Add to those developments the incredible loss of manufacturing jobs, once the bastion of middle class, blue collar masculinity. Also, our increased need for material acquisitions often send both parents into the work force, further diminishing an opportunity for masculine expression as the breadwinner.

Young boys can hardly get a sense of their masculinity through simple hard work. Do they mow lawns anymore? Shovel snow? Chop wood? Paint houses? Build scooters? Do they work at these activities at home or to make money in the neighborhood? Do they still have the Soap Box Derby?

Schools have been discouraging boy-oriented activities like running, jumping and climbing during recess, if they still have recess, and playground equipment has become so maniacally “safe” that no self-respecting boy would challenge himself on it.

A young boy’s sense of his manhood is also developed by the idea of competition, which has been drummed out of much of youth sports. The score is not kept for fear of hurting the feelings of those who lose, come in second or – gasp – last. But it’s good for a boy to feel pride in winning and learn the humbling acceptance of losing.

Men hear “hip,” “sophisticated” commentators joke regularly how husbands and/or fathers are superfluous (“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” – ha-ha), and scientific advances reinforce it.

Recent generations of men have watched the cultural definition of masculinity morph into something more feminine — metrosexuals, anyone!? And yet the biological imperative of masculinity remains in the Y chromosome, in the primeval feeling of masculinity that no amount of acculturation will ever change. And that chromosome ain’t going away.

Getting Pink

We’re developing a male population with fewer ways to express the biological imperative of their masculinity, for all its faults, and assert it in ways that garners approval and celebration. And assert it they must! It’s the testosterone, stupid!

So, what’s a boy to do? What’s a man to do?

Sadly, those things that are left: Fighting! Violence! Trash talk! Profanity! Abuse! Bullying! The pursuit of power and control in ever more unacceptable ways!

Fighting in sports has been on the rise. Membership in violent gangs is always increasing. Although social forces play a big part there, the stakes still are masculine – protecting one’s turf. There’s that biological imperative again. You don’t see gangs forming to mount a production Death Of a Salesman.

The measure of man today is being funneled into violence. Their sports have become more destructive. Their video games are all about killing and conquering. Audiences for “macho” shows like Ice Road Truckers, Ax Men, The World’s Dirtiest Jobs are primarily male. They validate by proxy what men feel about their nature, but have grown up learning to be ashamed of it.

And so many films about action heroes. Heroes! With great powers. The nourishment of a young boy’s dreams. Men want to be heroes, either as crime fighters or breadwinners.

For young men to enter into decent, acceptable manhood, their inherent masculinity and drive for power needs to be tamed, controlled and put to strong, productive use. Women, wives and mothers, are crucial in accomplishing this, as are children, schools, church, art, music, books, beauty, learning. All of that contributes to this necessary civilizing process.

But the raw masculinity that biologically defines men also needs an acknowledgment, an understanding, an acceptance and a celebration of its existence to make that process work.

That’s the part I think has been missing and we’re paying the price.

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