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Celebrity Fashion Scourge Mr. Blackwell Dies

Mr. Blackwell: Dressed In Peace

Mr. Blackwell, who yearly created a worst-dressed list of celebrity women and sometimes men, has died from complications of an intestinal infection at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Blackwell’s acerbic criticisms of celebrity fashion spared no one. Madonna was “The Bare-Bottomed Bore of Babylon,” Meryl Streep “Looked like a gypsy abandoned by a caravan” and Patti Davis packed “all the glamour of an old, worn-out sneaker.”

Most of the on-duty hospital personnel agreed that Blackwell’s infection was ironically one of the ten worst they had ever seen, a gastric gaffe of the first order. One doctor described the infection as a “haggard harlot in a harem of viral wannabes.” Another doctor said he had seen “better fungi at a faux pas fecal festival.” A nurse at the scene who requested anonymity said that “Blackwell’s infection was pathetically pathogenically challenged. It looked like gangrene with gummy bears.”

Unsuccessful attempts were made to surgically remove infected portions of his stomach, but an anesthesiologist said it looked like “a boil masquerading as staphylococci at a pity party and we were laughing too hard to get the job done without killing him.”

The attending staff wanted everyone to know that they weren’t criticizing Mr. Blackwell himself, only the preposterous virus that ravaged his stomach lining, which “looked like a vegetable death match in a Third World produce market.” Another noted that “any self respecting anti-biotic wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near Blackwell’s stomach lining.”

Doctors said they had great respect for stomach infections and simply were taking Blackwell’s infection to task for failing to infect in a way they thought it should.

“And that’s how Mr. Blackwell would have wanted it,” they said.

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