Paul Begala and Venereal Disease

There’s a website called Liberal Scum and while I realize the political atmosphere has become extremely toxic, the expression Liberal Scum does give one pause.

Personally, I wouldn’t have been so complimentary.

Bush Derangement Syndrome and the Liberal cornucopia of hate is always striving to reach new heights of depthness. There must be a word out there for that particular depravity and I’m looking under rocks and bottoms of garbage containers to find it.

MoveOn’s General Betrayus ad was one of the more recent examples of their “scummy” challenges to the President and his policies. Harry Reid calling the President “a loser” to a civics class is another. But these examples were bottomed out recently by prominent Democrat, Paul Begala, on CNN, who responded to a Wolf Blitzer question about the election by saying that in some states President Bush polls lower than venereal diseases. And they say that the right is filled with hate.

So, the political battle has come to this — a noted representative of the Democrat Party assessing the popularity of the President by measuring him against venereal disease. No wonder the site is called Liberal Scum. However, if Begala is measuring political impact and electability with STD’s, we can play, too.

First, the electorate needs to be on the lookout for general candidiasis from all the Democrat candidates. This political yeast infection is not a true STD, but it can be contracted through contact with liberal virii and by pulling the Democrat lever on voting machines, which contain many strains of STDemocratisis.

Clinmydia slide
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In bringing up venereal disease, Mr. Begala must have been concerned about Senator Clinmydia’s freefall in the polls. It’s difficult to assess this microbe’s standing because seventy-five percent of men who’re infected with Clinmydia don’t know they have it, as do twenty-five percent of infected women. Perhaps the drop in the polls means that the men are finally noticing this irritating disease and getting treated for it, while the women are busy watching The View or Dr. Phil.

Obamorrhea slide
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On the other hand, Senator Obamorrhea is rising in the polls. This is expected because this disease is now most reported most frequently by the mainstream media, which transmits daily much of the STDemocratisis currently infecting the body politic. Recent smears from the weakened Clinmydia microbes have been studied under the microscope and they show a mutation intended to overwhelm Obamorrhea. But the smears still aren’t strong enough and pundits now think that Obamorrhea is even deadlier than this newer strain of Clinmydia. In a head-to-head battle, they think Obamorrhea will crush it flat, especially with the sudden infusion of Oprahcillin.

Syphwards slide
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Expect trouble from John Syphwards, though. Polls indicate that this disease goes straight for the heart and its populist message could infect a whole bunch of people who are unhappy with the sickening discomfort of Clinmydia or Obamorrhea. They reason that only a really serious infection like Syphwards can wipe out the other two. What syphwardics don’t realize is that Syphwards can also eat your brain and your wallet.

If the second tier candidates make a respectable showing they could possibly combine their symptoms with those of the front runners. Senator Joe Bidomoniasis is well liked among Democrats, but his appearances can cause foamy vaginal discharge and premature birth in pregnant women. Senator Chris Doddcroid isn’t particularly charismatic, and some consider his candidacy nothing more than a large, painful blister on the body politic that could rupture at any moment.

At the next level, we have the less harmful Dennis Kuchinosis and Bill Richrethritis. If elected untreated both will cause great pain in urination and possible kidney failure.

Prevent STDemocratitis
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To protect oneself against the political infections STDemocratisis expose us to, it’s necessary to have on hand a large supply of Talk Radio Condoms. While not foolproof, they can stem the transmittal of Liberalloma, painful warts that affect everyone through contact with tax increases. Congress, which is the Center For Tax Control, is trying to stem a particularly virulent liberalloma called Alternativa Taxus Minimus, but their cure contains a taxus that affects the very wealthy of us.

STDemocratisis is generally treatable, although some strains have no cure. In the past we’ve avoided the possiblity of a long painful death from HIVard Dean and the embarrassment of John Kerpes. There’s a vaccine for Al Gorpatitis B but had he been elected he would have treated us with powerful doses of diplomacy, which is hardly aggressive enough to stem the disease’s effect. And our livers would have been compromised, causing them to become “lily” like.

Begala Under Microscope
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Now that Mr. Begala has made us cognizant of the venereal diseases that lie beneath the candidates’ poll numbers it’s important to recognize that political contact includes more than just intercourse, which is defined as being screwed by the leftist candidate of your choice. Minorities are especially susceptible, as are other groups dependent upon the government for a living. Political contact also includes blogging, MSNBC and CNN watching and the use of political “toys” like Olbermans, Dowds, Sheehans, Sharptons and Krugmans.

Ultimately there really is no such thing as “safe” politics. The only truly safe politics is not voting, which is impractical. It does make one wonder though what would happen if they held an election and nobody came. Mr. Begala’s comments bring us closer to that day.

If you think you may have an STDemocratitis, liberalloma or general candidaisis, see a talk radio host right away.

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5 comments to Paul Begala and Venereal Disease

  • [...] MoveOn’s General Betrayus ad was one of the more recent examples of their “scummy” challenges to the President and his policies. Harry Reid calling the President “a loser” to a civics class is another. But these examples were bottomed out recently by prominent Democrat, Paul Begala, on CNN, who responded to a Wolf Blitzer question about the election by saying that in some states President Bush polls lower than venereal diseases.3 [...]

  • David Garber

    I will grant that you are correct on some of these liberal hacks… Years ago, there was a song in a broadway play that when, “The country’s in the very best of hands.” Unfortunately, we haven’t been in the very best, or even qualified hands. We must take the country back… and that means taking down all incumbants, repugnicant or Demo… A clean house could only lead to new ideas… cuz the hacks with the old ideas haven’t worked… And I don’t have enough years left in my life to see old dogs learn new tricks… Happy New Year, John. David G.

  • David …

    Thanks for the response. Yeah, it’s a mess and Paul B is a dunderhead, worse, but he’s out there as a major spokesperson for the party and his rhetoric in this case was gross. Okay, so I may have extended it a bit unfairly to Liberals in general; but their track record in criticizing Bush, the war and the Republicans has been over the top and crass. From Kerry telling Bob Schieffer that our troops storm into Iraqui homes in the middle of the night and scare their wives and chidren, to Dick Durbin comparing what he HEARD was being done at Abu Grabe (sp?) to Hitler, the Gulag and Pol Pot; to the Betrayus Ad; to Hillary saying before Petraus even testified that it would take a high dose of suspension of disbelief when listening to his testimony … and to Harry Reid, where do I begin there?

    Anyway, it was as much an attempt at a humor piece as it was a criticism of the libs. I found a little hook and ran with it. I still think, though, that their rhetoric has crossed over into very bad and dangerous territory, of which Begala’s recent comment was the latest.

    Like you, I am crushed by the dearth of decent, intelligent, honest candidates on both sides. It makes one despair. Hope you’re well. Catch me a big one.

  • David Garber

    Sorry, John… I can only buy into some of your argument… First, Paul B is a dunderhead… Hard pressed to deliver anything but hot air… and not even of his own making. Then there’s Bush (and Cheney — two puppets, corrupt, self serving and in general, typical Repugnicans… I’m not a Democrats fan either — so this comes from the center. The Dems are a bunch of ineffective whiners… So what we have is dumb and dumber and if we elect a member of either party, we’re as cooked as the proverbial goose. Where’s there a good livertarian, or at least a good honest (wo)man? It would be a start. David G.

  • Arthur

    My God, John, if a wisecrack about how low Bush’s approval ratings have sunk could set you off like this, I can only imagine how apoplectic you get whenever Rush Limbaugh and his ilk quip about the Clintons having killed Vince Foster.

    I mean, that’s WAY worse, isn’t it? Jokes about unpopularity vs. turning a man’s suicide into a sleazy and baseless political smear? No contest, right?

    Right?

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