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    The Official Diaper Of the Obama Administration

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    Valerie Jarrett, the Obama Administration’s Dick Cheney³ , has told Obama operatives that  PANDERS is the official diaper of the Obama administration and urges all Democrats and Progressives to use them at will.  They can be dispensed at town hall meetings, mall openings, meet-and-greets and, of course, on the campaign trail, where Obama B.S. has become too great for shovel ready disposal.

    Obama PANDERS will also come in two boxes:  Red and Blue.   The Blue box will target the blue states to keep them in the Obama B.S. corral, while the heavy duty Red box will be used in Red states. These will be very powerful Panders, although they haven’t yet been tested on voters who are actually paying attention to the country’s troubles.

    PANDERS will come in separate pander poop absorbencies for gays, women, Hispanics, African Americans,  students, the disabled, unions, the unemployed (except for white men), native Americans, Asians, environmentalists, the jobless, underwater home owners and, of course, the largest constituency of all —  morons.

    Smell the Win
    Win the Smell

    Pander poop absorbency levels are determined by complex algorhythms utilizing vectors of each groups’ susceptibility quotient, I.Q, previous pander impact, cynicism velocipede and a very secret ingredient provided by Al Gore, who invented algorhythms, along with the Internet and Man Made Global Warming.

    Low poop absorbency PANDERS are expected to be used for those who still intend to vote for Obama despite impending economic Armageddon, high rates of unemployment, foreclosures, bankruptcies and sixteen trillion in debt, will get the light B.S. absorbency PANDER because little pandering needs to be done to win their votes.  They’re Pandered up.   A similar  B.S. absorbency PANDER will be used in the African American community for similar reasons.  They have already absorbed the Obama.

    Nevertheless, Administration R & D is developing a slightly heavier poop absorbency African-American PANDER because many African Americans are looking at their life-situations and saying … what the f**k?”

    Student absorbency PANDERS will be quite high primarily because the Obama Kool Aid graduates can’t get jobs with their degrees in such needed employment areas as  Samurai Poetry, The Chemistry of Chalk, Medieval Luggage and Lisping As a Second Language.

    High B.S. absorbency PANDERS will be targeted toward Hispanics.   It’s feared that some Hispanics might be realizing that Obama had two years of a Democratic Congress to do something to help them and did nothing.  This is according to administration spokespeople (spokesperson is no longer used because  it ends in “son,” which is not gender neutral).  The recent non-deportation executive order represented the first delivery of Hispanic PANDERS and we can expect more.

    The highest B.S. poop absorbency PANDERS will target the coal industry.  That’s because the administration has a long walk back from the President’s comment that If somebody wants to build a coal-powered plant they can.  It’s just that it will bankrupt them because they’re going to be charged a huge sum for all that greenhouse gas that’s being emitted.

    Despite intensified use, however, the existence of PANDERS will be denied.

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